Matsvin

The Past
The clouds were in love with each other.The rapid pace at which they were approaching each other was an ample evidence for this. They were meeting after a very long time and couldn't bare to be separated anymore. When they came to each other , the love in their heart came to the fore and they hugged each other. Tears of joy started flowing down, mere mortals like us call them rains. They are the proof of their love. Nature was in her seductive best.Clouds started clothing the mountains, not wanting others to enjoy the beauty of their beloved. The air that was blowing was cold, having been let free to roam around wherever it wants to go. It was drizzling lightly, an indication of the torrential downpour that was to follow. The entire sky was grayish , birds had safely gone inside their nests, and it was beginning to get dark.

I was in no mood to enjoy the scenic splendor around me.I was desolate , having seen failure for the first timein my life. I was contemplating my future. Suddenly my confidence had letme down. It seemed like I had no place to go , where I was safe, whereI was confident.

"What do I know about you ?, or what do you know about me ?"

I was stunned.

"This is just infatuation, it will passoff."

How could I tell her that it was not infatuation , but indeed love. How can I convince her. What did I have against my name?. What was I proud of?. What had I achieved ?.

I had woken up at 5 'o clock in the morning, not being able to sleep anymore. I had debated till I saw her.Should I , or shouldn't I ?. The moment I saw her, I knew I had to tell her. Maybe I should have waited a bit more. Maybe I should have waited till I had achieved something on my own. Maybe I should have just waited... too late.

She took it calmly, almost as if she expected it. Maybe my eyes said everything even before I opened my mouth.She always had the power of understanding me more than anybody else. She was not beautiful in the conventional sense, but for me , she was the most beautiful of them all. Her intelligence shone through those lively eyes,the eyes which never failed to put me in a trance. ... too late ....

Why can't I be like other guys, who always have such lovely girl friends. Why cant I be like them, they never seem to have any problem getting a girl to go along for a lunch or dinner.Why should I always be stuck with my nose to my books. Why should everybody treat me like a boy wonder when I am so dumb that I cant even get a girl to talk to me for five minutes. Why should I be any different.

I was searching for answers where none existed. I was plain fed up with life. It all seemed so gloomy. I was sure, I must have been the stupidest guy around. A Class A Moron, with a M.Perhaps Nature sensed my gloom. She tried to seduce me with her beauty.But I was blind. As I walked along the lonely path, not a soul at sight, it started raining. May be Nature was weeping for me. At least some onewas sympathizing with me.

I skipped my dinner that night. As I stood watching the rains from the large window in my room I tried to recover.For years she had been my school mate. I used to watch her from behind the trees unknown to her. Never did I strike up a good enough conversation with her. Just a "Hi how are you", or "How are your exam preparations goingon". But she was so intelligent. So brilliant. She was the best I had everseen. ... too late ...

The haze around my eyes started lifting off.I could see more clearly now. Maybe it was relief.
Now that I knew the result I did not have to be afraid of anything. I did not have to be concerned of anything. Now all that I wanted to do was to carve a name for myself in history. I slept, fitfully at first and then sleep casted her magical net over me. I had made my decision that night. I was not going to bow my head to anybody else.

I signed up for my engineering the next day. From that time onwards my only aim in life was to establish my name in the history of computing.

The present
"This bug is buggin me"

I had been at it for four hours nowand still havent been able to trace the source of the problem. I cross checked my code again. Everything seemed to be in order. The communication lines were properly established. The protocol was properly implemented. Still the communication was failing at one particular point. I closed my eyes and started thinking about the path my career had taken so far. By any yardstick I had progressed like a rocket. My engineering was watershed. All I did out there was study , study and study. I had forgotten movies. I had forgotten cricket matches and tennis matches. I did not go on treks. All I did was sit in front of the computer in my lab all through the day. Passing out with excellent grades were of no problems.

Then I stepped into the real world. It was a shock. There seemed to be no relation between what I studied in engineering and what I was doing. Looking back maybe it wasnt worth going through all that effort for four years. Still it atleast helped me get a nice job.The guys I started working with were cool. I learned a lot in those intial days. More like an extension to my engineering rather than work. I was a naive fresher. Still I was learning new concepts every day, and each passing hour taught me something new.

Over two years have passed since then. NowI am a veteran in software programming. My salary had gone sky high , atleast as high as it could ever go. I had become a project leader. I was involved in design new products right from scratch. Got involved in making decisions that affect the growth of the company. Made my share of mistakes, appeared in television interviews and newspaper interviews. My name became a regular in numerous development platforms on the internet.

And today I had everything I needed. Had a nice house, nice car. And all that made it happen was a foolish night of honesty. My life had a meaning now. Still I was not contented. I was looking for more. More challenges, more problems to solve, more money to earn,more power to use. The list has indeed grown. Contention in life was something that does not come so easily, and when it comes it is often too late.Still here I was trying ways to further my career. Trying to get into morelimelight.

Contention, contention , does it have another meaning. Does it mean being patient to achieve things. PATIENCE. That was the mistake I was making all along. My program was proper, except that the communication network it was running on was not. Maybe , just maybe it just might work. I added a small delay between sending requests and waiting for acknowledgement. Bingo , there I was. She ran beautifully. It brought a smile to my face. I convinced myself that I was a genius.Well afterall here I am, a fast growing whizkid , earning fat sum a month,it had really gone to my head. Still I was not all that bad. So I decided that no one shall know that I am genius from my mouth. Time to go home.

The eventfull night
"What we need is someone like you , who can work single handedly and build a team"

Is he crazy ?. Or maybe I am dreaming. No cant be. Here I am sitting in the dimly lit cubicle of the restaurant.He is sitting in front of me. He is talking to me. No I am not dreaming.

"You dont know much about me Mr. Schindler".

"Well , we did our homework a bit. It was your friend who suggested your name in the first place. We spoke to a few guys we knew out here."

"Your track record seems to be good. We thought you might be interested."

German efficiency. They had done their homework allright. I got a phone call as soon as I reached home. Mr. Micheal Schindler of some unpronouncable german company would like to have a word with me. He had just landed and would like to see me immediately.Was I free for dinner ?. It was an all familiar voice of an impersonal female at the other end.

How would she look like ?.

"Why not.".

"Fine Mr. Schindler will be staying in Lars Continental.He will meet you at the lobby at 9 tonight".

I wondered who this mysterious Mr. Schindlerwas. Seemed less of a mystery now. Here is the man, Schindler, sitting opposite me and asking me if I can lead a new company.

"Can you give me some time to think about it ?"

"Sure Sure. Please take your time. You can check out our credentials. I shall be here for another week."

We left saying the usual pleasentaries. I was feeling elated inside me, eventhough I did not show it outside. Quickly started my car and reached my house and parked it in my garage. It was a nice cold night , with overcast cloudy sky. I pulled on my overcoat and started walking along the road. It was a relatively new locality with not much houses around. Lanscaped sorroundings promoted by a private builder.Cost me a lot , but was worth it. Away from the bustling traffic of the city. I was thrilled. I had done it at last. I had arrived. I had achieved what I set out to achieve.

A light breeze was blowing across my face.It was a cold night. Clouds were trying to hide the
moon. Maybe they werejealous of it. Still the moon shone though the clouds every now and then.It was a hide and seek game. Leaves were floating in the air. The peculiar sounds that mark the night were everywhere. Small little birds trying to put their children to sleep were chirping away. A bird flapped its wings somewhere nearby and took off. And I was lonely.

Lonely like hell. Not a soul to share my elations.Not a soul to congratulate me on my achievement. My parents were far away.Still they would not be able to appreciate my feelings now. I know what my dad would say. " dont throw away the old water until you get new one".He would consider me too young for the task. My mom would be happy because I am her son, no matter what I did. All my friends were in different parts of the globe, all away on assignments or settled there.

"Well atleast I am with you" , I told myself and started walking home.

When I opened my gate , I found someone sittingin the stairs that lead up to the house. It was dark and so I couldnt recognize immediately who was sitting there. Then the moon came out of the clouds, casting a silver light everywhere , shining with bright vigour and Isaw her.

Yes it was her allright. She hadnt changed over six years. She now looked a lot more beautiful. The eyes still sparkled.The skin still blemishless and shining. Her curly hair was playing in the wind. She was wearing a pullover and a jean. The world stood still for me. I was unable to move. I couldnt speak. My tongue was tied by a magical force.

"Hi". It wasnt a human speaking. It was an angel singing. Had she come here to accept my love finally ?.

"Hey" , I managed. "What a surprise". I was getting better.

"I saw your car, but you were not around.Thought I'll wait a while".

"I was out taking a walk. Come in", I said opening the door.

"I see that you are still a bachelor". The unkept house was a clear indicator. She was as brilliant as she had ever been. The intelligence that attracted me to her must have grown manifold.

"Well , havent had the time to think about marraige".

I learned more about her that night. She had finished her graduation and now works for an advertising company out here. Through a mutual friend she came to know that I was staying here and decided to pay me a visit. She had tried to call me up at the office and then at home.Then she decided to come around and see if I am around. If only I had stayed a bit late at office, I would have taken her out for a candle lit dinner.Still things were not bad. I managed to clean my dinning table and we both sat down.

"I thought you would have got married by now"

"Hey what about you, you are married ?"

"Umm.. not yet. Tell you what , why dont we have dinner tomorrow. You can meet my friends."

Oh boy , was I glad. "Sure" I said. She left a little later. Later that night , I tried to sleep , but couldnt. A thousand things crossed my mind. Why had she come so suddenly, why did she invite me for dinner, is she trying to say something. A lot of thoughts crossed my mind that night as I tossed around on my bed. I finally managed to sleep quite late at night.

The Dinner
I dressed up smartly.

Had got up early that morning, much like that morning earlier in my life. There was a spring in
my steps. I just couldnt wait for the dinner. I spent the day in my office nervously.My colleagues were a bit puzzled. I was jumping at everything. At 5'o clock I could no longer stay in my office. I ran to my car and drove hard all the way to home.

As I surveyed myself in the mirror one last time I made a decision. I shall reject the german offer if I could manage to convince her about my love. I wont be the workoholic anymore.I shall give her all my time. I shall make her the queen. GOD , just help once, just this time. As I stepped onto the porch, my confidence gave way to diffidence. Damn, this is just a social dinner with her friends. Nothing much in it. Still , I managed to get into my car and drive slowly to the rendezvous.

I waited for a few seconds before entering the restaurant. My hands were shaking as I dragged on my cigarette. I shall quit smoking for her. She wouldnt like it. GOD , just once, just once in my life. I stubbed the cigarette, popped in a mouth freshner, checked my blazer, my handkerchief in my blazer pocket, the crease lines of my pant.Picture perfect, still butterflies were running amok in my tummy.

As I opened the door I saw her sitting in the corner. Beauty personified. I did not want to be looking at anything else. I couldnt. I walked slowly , measuring each step , afraid I shall make
a noise that make her look at me. I cant stand those eyes looking at me straight into my eyes. I shall die. GOD , how wonderful it would be if I were to die now. Still god would not oblige me. Nothing would fall on my head. I walked slowly, concious of the sway in my legs. Oh legs legs legs. Dont let me down now. Dont show my weakness I prayed.

At last those eyes turned to me. If looks could kill I would have happily died. I wouldnt want to go anywhere else. Not even to heaven. I was intoxicated by her beauty. The sparkle in those eyes would have blinded a thousand suns. The moist red lips, the carelessly brushed curly hair that were slightly moist, the fair shiny skin, lively eyes shining with intelligence and self confidence, GOD just once in my life.

"Hi, good evening. You look terrific."I said as I approached her.

"Hey hey hey, look who is here. The most eligible bachelor in town himself. Good evening" , GOD just once in my life.

She introduced me to her friends. Must say any other day I would have spent considerable amount of time looking at them , but tonight I was intoxicated. She started talking about her job. How much she loved it. How the economy was improving , proving to be good times for the advertisement industry. GOD , just once in my life.She is the perfect match for me. Just once hear my plea.

"Tell me , how come no female ever fell for you ?." , It was her freckle faced friend.

"Ha, ha. I am not so much of a socialite.",DAMN cant we be alone. But she obviously enjoys their company. Anything she likes, I decided, will be good enough for me.

Suddenly her face lit up, looking at me. I could see love in those eyes. Yes, this is it. She might want to talk to me alone. She looked at me, slowly her eyes moved away from me to my side. Only then did I realize there was a guy standing next to me.I turned around to see him. Tall and lanky, unkept hair that fell over his forehead. He was wearing a Tee Shirt and a dirty jean. Looked like the guy was about to trash me. He looked at her and greeted her. He had a deep voice and an excellent physique. I looked at my tummy , and suddenly drew it in trying to look as good as he is , but then I cant disguise what I have.

"Meet my fiancee ro.....", I could hear no more. I had become deaf. A thousand volcanoes exploded in my mind. A thousand oceans roared in my ears. A thousand spears went through my heart.So near yet so far away. She was saying something that I couldnt hear.We shook hands and he sat down next to her.

Slowly the story unfolded. They had met during college days , their parents did not agree with them, they decided to get married and got engaged. He had graduated in commerce and was looking for a job. Once he got a job, they would get married the same day.

I looked at her eyes. They betrayed her fear. She desperately wanted him to get a job. I could see how much she loved him. She hid her fears from everyone, but then , I could read it in her eyes.

And then I made the decision. I turned around to the guy and said , "Listen, I am heading a new startup, and looking for bright finance guys, wanna join me ?."

I saw her eyes light up. I wanted to see her happy all the time , even if it means a sacrifice from me. They were both thrilled and they hugged each other. I slowly excused myself out, not wanting to disturb them.

Her freckle faced friend caught up with me.

"You are GREAT".

"I am a MORON."

I picked up my mobile, dialled the number,

"Mr. Schindler ? ....."

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